I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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