why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
