You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
