I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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