Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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