remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
