I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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