I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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