He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
