too bad you live with your parents still
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Randomize
