I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Quick, to the slutcave!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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