Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
