don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
