I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
