I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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