Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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