remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
