I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
