i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
