He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
