I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
