just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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