i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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