Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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