you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
