New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
