he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I think i got beer on your cat.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
