At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize