I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
