It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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