If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Why can't burritos get me drunk
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
