your room smells of hookers.
And success
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
