what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
