I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
