ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
