You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
