My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize