Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
