Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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