Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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