so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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