I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
