I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
