just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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