She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
