My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
