either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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