I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
