I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
That accounts for only three of the penises
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
