shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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