True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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