I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
