So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I believe in your delicious
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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