yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
