i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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