I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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