3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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