I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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