I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
