You can't motorboat a personality
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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