He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize