I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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